Warks vs Somerset, FP Trophy

Sooooo, I managed to make it to the first FP match at Edgbaston on the weekend. Beautiful lovely super mega awesome sunny day, so I took the boy along to watch T'Bears bat reasonably well and fail with the ball. He's not 4 yet, and not really interested in the game in the slightest, but on the way up the M6 he remembered that there were bears, and that one had a bow. Bless him. Plan was to take him and bring him back home when he got bored, and hopefully return alone later. Expecting this to be leaving after 10 overs, the dude managed 47 overs in the end. That's my guy.

Actual player reviewy bits...

Bell did well. His ton came at a rate around 90, but with plenty of signs that he was there to prove form for England rather than win the match. He perished for 108. I have to assume that once he did get the ton he immediately hit out and got caught. I have to assume this as the little man needed the loo, and whilst I managed to drag out the route to the toilets while Bell painfully slowly went from 96 to 100, I didn't dare delay him any longer..! More evidence of him trying to prove form was that when Bears were fielding he dissapeared a little over half way through, with Miller replacing him as a sub for the rest of the match.

Woakes also had a reasonable day. At least as reasonable as any bowler on the side which only took 2 wickets in 45 overs. He and Ant Botha responsible for converting a probably average 240ish score to 271, both of them going at over 150. Nice to see that after a slow middle due to a collapse containing a duck for Maddy and a single for Tiny Tim.

Also good to see was the new boy Keith Barker. On debut from the 2nd XI (with Carter being crook) he hit a nice 28 and then bowled a really tidy 1/47 off of his full 10 overs. Maybe we'll see more of him in the future. Nice one.


So outside of my attempt at being serious, how's this...

We're in the pavilion in the first innings, because the little man wanted to get inside and have a snack. He loves fiddling with things and kept asking to open the sliding doors there, to which I say no so he doesn't annoy people. Now after a bit a nice little old lady comes along the front and goes to open the door, and I suggest Jake might like to help her. He's a shy little dude, so politely declines. Meanwhile the lady has come in, and is aware that he didn't want to help her. With a really nice smile and a soft gentle voice she says:


"They never do want to help do they? Children these days, I don't know. Oh well. It's how you lot bring them up, you know."

Anyone else been the subject of such a massive sweeping insult but be so amazed at the time to even realise it until the moment's gone?

Oh and there's a lovely new hover cover there. Rock on.

Andy Foreigner FTW!!!!!11

Andy Flower is, as expected, the new England Coach. Seems that Strauss didn't want a Coach role at all, more a team manager, but daren't say so to the press. Either way, good luck to him. Please.

This appointment is important, right? It's a widely held belief that the coach is responsible for form and results to a level where he (or she, or it) is held more accountable for failures in a team than the goons holding the lumps of willow themselves.

So with that established, how is it logical that that person is allowed to not be of the nationality of the team? If it's so critical then that surely means that it is significantly representative of the country in question, so how can Johnny foreigner be allowed that job?

Seems to be even more so the case with Association Football, where out national team had a Swede, then a Brit (for national pride to be restored) and then when national pride was seen to be a sack of poop, he was given the elbow and replaced with an... Italian? Or is he Spanish? Not sure. When England failed to get in that Euro tournament the other year, the manager got the boot, not the players.

Anyway, seems I'm just saying the same thing again and again so I'll stop.. but isn't it just a little weird logically??

Pink bobby gets ready for the new season

I was trying to work out how I ended up following one of the disputed greats of English cricket in Coventry last week.

Then I realised that he must have come up the M1, off at Junction 14 to the M45 and then along the A45, B4113, A429, A4053 and then 4th exit to Croft Road to get to the new IKEA there.

How anyone could not take advantage of the discounted Ringo barstools I have no idea. They'll look just great in the new Rob Key bar in the Rob Key pavilion, at the north end of the Rob Key ground in his back garden. He had to cut a hole in the side of the shed pavilion to fit the back of the ALBA TV through to get that "flat panel" look, and once he's covered the sticky out bit with a tarpaulin, jobs a good 'un.

Formal dedication next Tuesday, limit of 2 mini sausage rolls per person, BYOB.

I'm not playing

I'm sportin rings and things, that's what money brings
If you act like you know I'll put you under my wing
If you act otherwise, and try to demise me
Take me for granted, then try to surprise me
I'm not a dreg, I'll break your legs
Because you're yellow, just like the yolk of an egg
He's DJ Diamond D, and I'm the Master Rob
MC's bitin my rhymes like they were corn on the cob
Or should I say cake, from the bites you take
Know what I'm sayin? I'm not playin

Thanks for that, Ultimate Force. Whoever you are. Wise words I think you'll all agree.

But I'm not playing. Not this year. My kit bag with my 70% off helmet, 70% off pads and full price, mid range thigh pad aren't seeing the light of day until at least next year.

When I moved out of the middle of Limpsville [also known as Coventry] to a nice small villagey towny place I thought it'd be a great way to get involved with the community by tracking down the local cricket club and having a go. I went to net sessions at Edgbaston an the likes, spending many many days in considerable pain due to rock bottom fitness levels and the likes. But after a hell of a lot of good intentions and availability I've been asked to play one measley match in 2 years, successfully blocking out the last 3 overs of a dead match and standing at long leg the rest of the time.

I've got bitter, oh yeah you bet. I want to be up there painting the pavilion and shifting piles of loam, but if I'm not even wanted unless *ALL* the 12 year old kids are ill in bed then maybe I'll just take the hint, huh?

With a bit of luck by this time next year I'll be living in a different villagey town type thing as a home owner and I'll try again by golly gosh. Few years down the line my little boy will hopefully be interested in playing in the kids matches, and I'd like to think I'd happily be turning up to put out the pointy flags 20 metres inside the boundary line for them. We'll see.

More WTF happened?

Since the 51 all out I'm still lost as to how an entire team sucks bottom. A team which is, undeniably, good. Not excellent. Not remarkable. Possibly not even all that memorable. But still... good.

Now there was, as was demonstrated handsomely by the man Gayle, no nasties in the pitch, yet there are certain scorecards which would initially say otherwise.

Are there not questions to be asked about how, for example, Pietersen allowed himself to be so brash and bold and get out for 3 off of 15? There's always so much comment saying that that's the point of him. That's his genius, and if you try to contain him, you'll ruin him. That's surely just drivel. As a responsible player, one who was in that very squad getting the 51, he should have something in his mind to watch out for a potential collapse.

Dimi did well considered, 36 off of 76. Now that must have been reasonably painful for a dude with an ODI strike rate over 120. But he did it, whatever "it" was. Shouldn't these world class super hero mega god batsman be able to see what might happen if they were to end up with similar stats to those already departed?

More and more I'm inclined to think I'm missing something. That if I had my way my England squads would be drab, miserable and would lose. But then I'd tried to think that about Amjad Khan, and I'm more than convinced I was right all along.

[btw, please note Lemmings are, in honour of the occasion, resplendent in England replica kits]

IPL all over the place

Strange times for one of, if not THE, most respected and world renown sporting contests this plant has ever witnessed.

To move the IPL from India after it's legendary 6 week history, which is truly etched into the very bedrock of anyone who would describe themselves to be a member of the human race is truly shocking.

Or at least poor little Lalit mightn't make quite so much money if he has to take reasonable measures to actually address major safety concerns.

Up until about 30 minutes ago, I was assuming the chance of the IPL moving to England this year as opposed to letting the Saffers have it was just laughable. I don't know too much about domestic cricket down there, but the waves of apathy I'd expect to swamp an average IPL match between then Dehli Dongles and the Mumbai Mushrooms at Edgabaston on a cold Thursday mid-afternoon would really be quite sizeable. No one would be hanging from the scafolding, and playing the matches in full daylight also would take a massive amount of atmosphere away to boot. But now due to those pesky logistics, it seems that the South Africans powers that be seem to think even less of their "chances" of playing host than I do of ours.

At the current rate, will the IPL ever settle into a sane steady format? Or is it always going to be this bizarre pile of greed, legal action and bitter bitter resentment? Are other sporting tournaments this shambolic? I know that the Preiemer League, 6 Nations etc... certainly aren't, but is it common for other shabby tournaments to be as badly handled as, well, just about *EVERY* major event in world cricket?

Ixnay on the Straussay

Can we - by which I mean Bob "Looks like one of those Germans from Eurotrash who dress up as babies" Willis - please now stop slagging off Strauss in the short form for a while now? He's clearly not the future world saviour leader of men, but he's... OK. Or at least, he always was "OK" and so far as captain, he's been excellent, by way of responsible, with the bat. Who else has stats anything remotely resembling his? The Lord Megachief of Gold, of course. Judge a man by the company he keeps.

105 yesterday doesn't prove that much all on it's lonesone, but even the long view says he's fine, and no one need have replaced him personally. Of the currently feasible players, only KP, Fred, Bell, Shah and Colly have a better average. Yes, yes, I know that could basically say that everyone else in the squad is better than him, but well... Look, he has an average above 30. Prior hasn't, Mustard hasn't, Bopara hasn't, Wright hasn't. Bopara doesn't even have as good a strike rate.

As an aside, Cook also *statistically* fits in to everything said about Strauss there too... Please let me have statsguru. Right or wrong it's all I've got to base an opinion on most of the time.

I don't know quite what has happened to Bob recently, but it's pretty pathetic. Did it start with those pathetic Bobby's Dazzlers links on Cricket AM? That was fscking awful, and I think some scroat of a producer (does Adam Mountfield moonlight for Sky?) decided to bring more personality into his pundit persona. Certainly no one else there capable of having a controversial opinion. Rather him say that that Colville I guess. Makes my skin crawl.

Am I unwittingly advocating a team which is exactly what's been wrong with ODI for the last however many years? I'd have thought starting with good batsman and just encouraging them to be a little more positive would be better than continually telling a bunch of sloggers to stop getting out. Might be duller to watch, but more chance of a respectable defeat at least.

Windies make mockery of cricket. Yet again.

England seemed to be heading in the right direction, by the very reason that pushed D/L in our favour once Ramdin was out, so it wasn't too unreasonable to think that they were going to win. As such I won't say that John Dyson's screw up with primary school mathematics changed much. It's such a shame to see the rules being so selfishly applied though.

In a similar way to the groundsman blatant preparing dead pitches during the test series to ensure draws, this is a horrible way to twist things to your advantage. As has already been pointed out in so many places, they are by no means the first to do this, and technically they are entitled to do so, but what happens to the Spirit of the Game in situations like this?

Whilst he seldom seems to know what day it is Bumble was right with his continual chanting of "Play the game! Play the game!" and maybe this will teach the Windies, and indeed, other teams, a thing about sportsmanship. Unfortunately it'll probably just teach them not to let a pensioner read a newfangled spreadsheet.

Is there nothing that can be done about this sort of behaviour? Obviously with something as basic as a shitty pitch nothing realistically can be done to save the match at the time, but when a team is just being a big old spoil sport can the umpires (oh shit, dodgy ground already) not have the final say? I don't think there are many people who wouldn't, if they were put into a darkened room and told to think carefully at the risk of unleashing the badgers, confess they'd rather see a good fair match than their own team win by default.

Letting umpires use their own version of common sense was shown to be a very dubious thing with the referral trials, but surely letting them say "Look, there are a floodlights... just turn them on." can't be a bad thing, with only tired stuffiness getting in the way of simple logic like this happening.

Either way, let's not think about poaching Dyson any more, huh?

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him

How chuffed was I to see Amjad Bloody Khan in the T20 XI??

Not.

At.

All.

For when it mattered a toss, he bowled shit, and dropped a painfully easy catch off of Dimi. He picked up 2 wickets when it couldn't matter less, with Sarwan fancying finishing it off in glory and coming up short to no real concenquence, and just about the same rationale for Bravo's catch.

So now after sucking TWICE, can we please please put this sorry little waste of space back where be belongs in the KCCC 2nd XI?

And elsewhere... Why wasn't Rashid playing?? Why bother with Batty as the solo spinner when everyone expects Rashid to be the incumbent spinner in all forms of the game within 3 years.

And finally... Why all the grief to Strauss? He tonked the ball during the tests as if he was playing ODI, why was there so little faith in him? I said out loud to my assembled audience (wife, cat, dog) that he wouldn't be the worst performing batsman, and by buggery he wasn't. He wasn't great, sure, but then no one was, and whilst *he* wasn't setting the world on fire, there was no one else waiting for their chance to sort it out.

Clarkes Casualty Cwiz 5!

HAHA! I ESCAPED! I'm back baby! Who's the daddy?! They said I should have quit, but I'm still standing. Who ever so dare stand against me in the ECB elections would have got one serious kicking. But no one did, did they? Isn't that strange? Maybe it's something to do with a friend I introduced them to. I made, erm... met, this charming fellow the other day around the back of the offices, in amongst the rusty filing cabinets and burnt out Merlin machines. Looks a bit like Danny Dyer I think, and he sure takes a punch to the gut like the host of Danny Dyer's Deadliest Men, Danny Dyer. You oppose me? You end up like him. Or at least 1/5 of him...

Gotta stop typing now, the blisters on my fingers are killing me. Typing 9,000 emails (with a little help from Mummsy) really takes its toll on the hands... Just remember. Right?

So. 5 delightful players of the game, but one doesn't belong... Who and why?