Swannywoowoo's dayboo

Swann gets his dayboo in the wee small hours tomorrow. England will have a whole 1.75 spinners tomorrow, which is the most since Old Man Udal helped Monty out in India 2006*. They'd been doing reasonably well with the usual 1.25 spinners or occasionally with an extra .1 when Vaughan fancied a bash at it, but that extra half will hopefully make a pleasant difference.

* I can use statsguru, me.

Know your teams. FAIL.

Looking through the plans for Warwickshire's new developments due to be goin' dahn at Edgbaston soon. All very pretty, wouldn't you say?


Whilst it's possibly something of an omen to call the image file "new_ground_2_small.jpg", we have slightly more pressing issues if the new scoreboard is going to be no bloody better than the old one.

Vaughan Free, Part 1

Followers of the plight of the lesser spotted Vaughan, should be warmed by the updates we can provide. With very few recent sightings in the wild of late, concerns had been raised with regards to the majestic if slightly stupid looking creatures health. Over the last few days a few glimpses were reported of the once King of the crease within the sub-continent, along with a Panesaur and a Straussling.

Whilst these give some new hope for it's survival, there is more good news from the Vaughan Free foundation, who are looking to release their first breeding single into the wild. As the species does, of course, reproduce asexually many new challenges are presented to the conservation specialists, who are traditionally just used to sticking one of whatever pointlessly dreary mammal it is with each set of bits into a cage and going behind a one way mirror with some popcorn and a La-Z-Boy each. First pictures have now been published of the first specimen bred in captivity.

Hopes are high that the snivelling little runt will be able to be soon be able to be reintroduced into its natural habitat. Unfortunately, since all specimens so far were reared in public school, no one seems to have a clue where that is, so it'll probably be as far away from the labs in Putney as the Vaughan Free foundation can afford. As such all work efforts have now switched from the laboratory to the topless car washes and Asda checkouts.

Too many Daves

5-0 down, with 2 more to lose. And it really does seem like an odd squad in general. An opener who you happily put down to bat at 9 the next match. flip flopping between your no. 3 and 4... There have been many cries in the press for bringing back in guys like Bresnan and Macarena. The more I see the squad the more I see why they are not in the line up.

Their name isn't Dave.

Peter Moores seems to like Daves. Everyone likes Dave. Everyone needs a mate called Dave to help "sort things" and drink them under the table. Since he's filled Norman Stanley Fletcher's shoes there have been many new additions, particuarly to the ODI lineup:

Dave Prior - Knows this guy who can get you some cheap DVD's by the Aldi carrier bag full.
Dave Bopara - Well we all know he can bosh up a sweet little shed in no time.
Dave Wright - Innit.
Dave Shah - Please, it's actually David. But erm, yes, I admit I am aware of other fellows with which to converse about canines.
Dave Swann - Ahh I was down Chimpys wiv Bongo and Nudge the other day, man what a geezer... middle of the joint he pulls out his........
Dave Patel - Geeeeeeezer!

Ever felt a face just didn't fit regardless of performance? Definitely a case of too many Daves and no real idea of what to do with them. A squad that seems to be built out of individuals and their county stats rather than a cohesive team with clear roles. I never liked seeing Bresnan, Mahmood or James Arbuthnot Dalrymple in an England, what with them being general wet blankets. But a whole heap of Dave's surely isn't working out.

And I get to link to this too. Because I say so.

Old gits vs new technology

My blogging has been lax these last few months, but there's one thing I've wanted to write about for a while but never had the __________ to do it. But thanks to Ceci and Suave I've another angle on TV rights that's finally making me do it.

Earlier this year there was the hahoo about the BBC not bothering to put a bid to the ECB for the TV rights for the England matches and there was this disappointed sighing, mumbling cursing stream from Aggers, Boycott etc... They feel that it's ultimately damaging to the game because of the reduced number of people with access to Sky Sports etc. All that sort of discussion seems fine in the here and now, but as these are rights for a few years down the line, they really start to fall apart the less they seem to understand about the (probable) future of broadcasting.

As above, thanks to Ceci and Suave, I ended up watching the 3rd ICL final today. It was a bunch of old has-beens and no-hopers and all of Kents overseas players, but any port in a storm. So I ended up on Sky channel 789, Zee music, which I didn't know existed and certainly didn't know broadcast ICL. It's a Sky channel, but fundamentally it's free on that gear, and only isn't on freeview itself because they couldn't get a slot or something.

So here this Terrestrial Vs Satellite argument doesn't exist, and more and more it's not going to exist. With the increase in IPTV (and projects like BT's 21CN shennigans) it's really not long before there really is no such thing as "Terrestrial" TV - and no Satellite either I'll bet. Freeview is a waste of time of course, just a political marketting yeeha - by the time the last transmitter is turned off Freeview will already be obsolete technically. With all broadcasting inevitably edging towards online and on demand viewing, Sky Sports, BBC 1 and Zee Music will all just be entries on a big old list that everyone will view over the net.

What's meant to happen when this playing field is levelled out (shortly after the Stanford Stadium pitch is also properly rolled)? When everything has converged down to a standard access method of infinite capacity and 1/infinity quality how are the BBC meant to keep competing for something like a Test match which is officially a specialist interest and very chuffing long?

Essentially I find it frustrating when various people with MCC ties live in the past due to their lack of knowledge. I know computers are scary things, but well tough titties to you. Take an interest and use it in your views for the future of broadcasting, or die trying.

oh yeah. I am that dull. Want those last two minutes of your life back? me too.

BREAKTHROUGH!!!!

I hear many people say it, but it's nice to pick on whoever you think is a prat and also guilty, so clearly that man should always be Botham, the Nestle advertising goon, and as he said it last then that's even more reason...

Botham you tit, stop saying "They've got the breakthrough" every single poxy wicket anyone gets. Today, 8th ball of the match Broad (WHO USED TO BE A BATSMAN) got Sehwag to edge on to his stumps and, oh yes, he got the breakthrough!!! After 7 balls of abject desperation, literally crawling through a literally literal desert for almost 4 literal minutes the unthinkable finally happens. That once in a lifetime last chance salon (he shouldn't have had the haircut) of a wicket. What a breakthrough!!

Numb nuts.

He's also a dangerous fool to be around with a loaded Dangerman too.

I'm a man, yes I am. But only just.

Well I just scraped through but (at least as of this moment in time) I'm offically male according to genderanalyzer.com.

Straight point - 98%
Cricket With Balls - 92%
King Cricket - 85%
Spun out - 80%
Republique Cricket - 77%
Miss Field - 55%
Erm... me - 50%

Originally Miss Field came out at 98%, which seemed about right, but I missed the - out of the address (and actually Class 3F's blog, which makes it even odder).

I was feeling pretty ashamed of my rating here until...

"We guess http://leftarmchinaman.blogspot.com/ is written by a woman (55%), however it's quite gender neutral."

Phew, I didn't come last.

Boy Least Likely To

Right, cobblers to all this Stanford nonsense....

I knew it was so within the ranks but it wasn't until I read this months Wisden Cricketer (not that other rag that people read, the one that gives away bat stickers and shrink wrapper retired pakistani seamers each month) that Tony Frost had the highest batting average of THE ENTIRE BLOODY COUNTRY last year in t'championship. Now i'm pretty darned ignorant of history, but surely this is pretty much something. Old Man Udal might have his cute little story about ditching his new carrer whupping up and down the M1 with a boot full of Union Flag design cricket boxes to go and captain for a probably nominal share of £256,918.43 (as of 17:24 27/10/08) [oops, wasn't talking about that...] . But the boy Frost had already happily packed away his kit long ago before being brought back into the fold as Tiny Tim went off to make his fortune. And came back again pretty quickly.

Tony did superbly. Slightly drab in places, a little conservative at times, but to have ended up with a season average of 78.squiggle including a career best and putting-the-rest-of-the-players-to-shame total of 242 in the last match of the season against Essex.

Obviously he was officially back to being a keeper, and he's been pretty tidy there, but even when Timmy did come back all that happened was that Frost was pushed up the order to kick ass properly.

Seems he's back next year, and based on his form with bat alone he's now filling in for absolutely nobody.

And all that from a dude with those glasses. and that hair. and that joke about the nuns on the motorbike. and that party trick with the monkeynuts.

But then he's said this...

“We’ve had a preliminary chat about me playing on as a batsman next season but the talks are at an early stage. There are a lot of things to weigh up, most importantly what impact playing on might have on my career as a groundsman.”

Talk about aiming to the skies. When my little boy grows up I hope he wants to be a deputy assistant groundsman's understudy. That or a Saggarmakers bottom knocker.

KP and Harmy sitting in a tree

During the nice little knock around in that old mans back garden last night I mentioned to Mrs Spigot how odd it seems that Harmison is now a shoe-in for the T20 squad when his runny tummy clears up, despite him previous running from the white ball and generally being a miserable git for the last 18 months. She reasoned it must have come from KP's dynamic new captaincy. I think the exact words were "Harmison probably said 'I'll play long as I can do you in the changing rooms first'".

Out of the mouths of... somethings.

She mightn't know a beamer from a full toss, but she's certainly latched on to something in her head, all coming from KP saying Miserable Steve is "my man".

Promotion gubbins

Warwickshire are going back up to Div1 after just one season of standing in the corner staring at the floor! Well done boys, especially the Frosty, who's gone from deputy assistant bucket holder to Steve Rouse to standing in with the gloves for Tiny Tim, and ending up a very very attractive #3 for the rest of the season, with a 242* last week helping to outright secure promotion.

But should they actually be promoted? Is there really a need for a default promotion and relegation between the divisions? With all these points being thrown around, should they not be being used to decide on promotions and relegation, rather than outright positions? Looking at the tables with some teams still yet to finish all their matches we have...

Surrey. Poor buggers. Now they were, going by the official metrics rather than Jrod's opinions, shabby. They are going to probably 30 points adrift of the next worst team. They clearly deserve to go down. If only for that terrifying picture of Ramps painted up like something that belongs in formaldehyde at Christies. No wonder he's looking to jump ship now.

The two WCCC's. Similarily, they have ended with genuine clear air between themselves and the rest. Northants still might close that gap to around 10 points if they win, but Warwickshire are just so nailed on to add at least 10 more of their own, they'll still look great. Worcestershire meaning have bagised 2nd to themselves, but maybe not by quite as much as they'd like.

Just about everyone else in Div1. Here's the main issue as I see it. There's only 5 points between #5 and #8. That looks like a fairly close competition, and as such does any one of those teams actually deserve to go down? I'd expect whoever that is to bounce up again next year (in exchange for Worcs hopefully.)

So shouldn't there be something more intelligent, something more David Barry shaped to define how many teams should go up or down? Indeed if each divisions only had 20 points from top to bottom, why promote anyone at all?